238.0

well...

let's check in on my progress, shall we?

i recently posted my list of goals. kinda like resolutions, but not really.

my hubby went cold turkey, remember? no sweets, no fried foods. he has a bajillion times more willpower than i do. you can offer him something and without batting an eyelash or even a second's hesitation, he says NO. ugh...to be so strong.

i know my weaknesses. i know that if i don't allow myself a few things (in moderation) i will cheat. i will wait until i'm by myself and i will eat whatever i'm craving and pretend it didn't happen because no one was around to see it.

so, with that in mind, here's how i've been doing so far.

1. do not bring sweets into the house

this is my weakest area. i mentioned before that i'm lazy. haha. if i'm craving something sweet, and we don't have anything, the chances that i will head out to pick something up are about as good as the chances of me being struck by lightning will i'm claiming my 25 million dollar lottery prize. but...if i don't have something sweet every now and then, i kind of get cranky. so i've found a few YUMMY alternatives that i keep stocked at home. my kryptonite is ice cream. weight watchers chocolate dipped ice cream bars are UH-MAZING! and edy's triple chocolate no sugar added ice cream? honestly...not the best on it's own. but slice up some bananas on top, or make a chocolate banana shake with it? heaven!

2. limit food at night

i've been working really hard on this one. i am a night owl, so i'm generally up til close to midnight every night. (i know...that in itself, is something i need to work on...but small steps, people.) i've tried to be very observant of the time. if i get hungry after 9, i try to stick to a handful of pretzels, an apple, or, my current favorite snack...carrot chips with bleu cheese.

**i'm not a nutritionist. i'm no good at counting calories or carbs or grams of sugar, so i don't really know the health/benefits of any of the items i've listed in #1 or #2. what i do know is that they are vast improvements over my old standards.**

3. get active at least once a week

well. i'm not sure i can even bring myself to face you on this one. remember the "i'm lazy" statement? yeah. it's hard to get around that. after teaching all day long, and then coming home to 2 girls who have to do chores, work on homework, and fight with each other, i'm pretty freaking exhausted. let me give you an example. there was a news story on the other night about a study on weight loss. they found a correlation between the cold and the rate of your metabolism. the colder you get, the harder your body works to regulate your core temperature, boosting your metabolism and burning extra calories. they point of the story was to encourage people to get outside and walk or exercise in the winter-time. my thoughts were "oooh...i'll just turn the furnace down." haha! that's me...lazy mclazerson. what i'm trying to say is, i have failed in this area. i kind of knew it was bound to happen. i don't enjoy doing things i hate all by myself. and i don't really have anyone to do the things i hate with. so, i usually busy myself with other things...school work, research, blogging, emptying the dvr. you know...important stuff.

do know that i'm working on improving myself. i'm trying to make small changes. not dieting exactly, but making permanent adjustments to the way and things that i eat (right sarah t?). i can tell you in all sincerity that if you put my carrot chips & blue cheese next to a cheeseburger and fries, i'm almost always going to pick the first one. (ALMOST always...come on. i'm not a complete fool.)

i know it's a long process. i know nothing will happen overnight. i know my weaknesses....and i'm working to improve them.

240.0

i'm baaaaaaaack...

i've been m.i.a. since march! what!?!?! you'd think that, in 10 months time, i would have been able to think up a really good excuse. lengthy illness. extended vacation. alien abduction.

but, nope. i've got nothin'. there is no excuse for my absence other than i'm. freaking. lazy.

we all know how resolutions go. you're gung ho for the first couple months, then you slowly start to fall back into old routines and habits.

so, after a few months, i slowly stopped making time for blog posts. i stopped being so overly concerned with what time i ate. if i was hungry, i ate something...but i didn't concern myself so much with what i was eating. heck, i was even eating when i wasn't hungry.

the closer it got to the holidays, the less i cared about doing the right thing. chocolate? this halloween candy isn't going to eat itself. seconds? of course...it's thanksgiving. ice cream? sure...it's almost christmas. what's worse? i rubbed off on the hubby and he joined me in my gluttony.

when we neared the last week of december, my hubby and i had a chat. we decided that we needed to change what we were doing. and, we needed to do it TOGETHER. thank god! i'm nothing if not an excellent planner. but i'm sucky on the follow-through if i don't feel like anyone's holding me accountable. i'm like an 8 year old kid. if no one sees me do it, it doesn't count. if i can get away with it, i will. yay, me, for being an adult. ^insert sarcasm^

our last week of december was comical. there was a lot of, "you better finish that box of chocolates. you only have 3 more days." a few, "since this is our last hurrah, let's get taco bell." we were ridiculous.

but, when january 1st rolled around, we opened the cabinets, cleared out the sweets. opened the freezer and threw out the ice cream (that one HURT). went to the grocery and bought fruits and veggies. my new snack of choice? pretzels.

my hubby is going cold turkey: no sweets, no fried foods.

but i'm not him, so we had to lay down some ground rules.

1. do not bring sweets into the house.

*remember how i'm an elementary student when it comes to food? if you tell me i CAN'T have it, i want it EVEN MORE. so, if i want ice cream, i must go get it (remember i'm also lazy) and eat it before i get home. this will not happen often. trust me! if i'm already home, it's VERY unlikely i will drag my lazy ass back out of the house.

2. limit food at night

*ok...so, we all get a little hungry a couple hours after dinner. this used to be the time i would grab my ice cream. (do you see a theme? ice cream is my WEAKNESS) the girls are finally in bed, i'm finally sitting down to relax...why not reward myself with a treat? now, my aim is to eat my last meal/snack as close to 9p.m. as possible. some pretzels, veggies...occasionally some fruit (gotta watch that sugar before bed)

3. get active at least once a week

*i know that sounds like nothing. but, i have to set realistic expectations for myself. if i feel like it's something i HAVE to do, i don't want to do it. if i feel like it's a chore, i will protest. they recently completed construction in our neighborhood, and we've been connected to a plat behind us. we are now able to actually walk around the block. i'd like to try this at least once a week. whatever it is, i need to have a period of activity once a week. i'd like this to increase as we progress through the year, but for now, it will be 1 more period of activity per week than i've had in the past.

i think that's good for now. the more i write down, the less i want to do. (geez...perhaps number 4 should be grow up.)

do me a favor, help me out. pop in every once in a while and say hi. check on me. yell at me if i haven't posted. let me know how your journey's going (if you're on this same crazy ride.) we all do better with the support of our friends and family.

239.0

alert...alert.
i have NO idea what happened to february. no. effing. clue.

i'm not gonna run through what i've been doing... i mean, who wants to hear why i DIDN'T post for a month?
all i can say is everything i said i was gonna do?
didn't do it.
at all.
for the whole month.
EPIC FAIL!!!
if any part of this had been recorded and submitted online, i'd have to ask Tosh for a web redemption.

so, i'm going to pretend that march is my january. this is the beginning of my year...all over again. i'm restarting my resolutions. i really have no other choice.
if you had asked me last month how things were going, i would have told you "fine. i'm fat. i'll always be fat."
you know how you fill out forms and it asks you to check the boxes?
here are my boxes: female...check, caucasian...check, fat....check.
it's just who i am...or at least who i was resigned to be last month.
i had no motivation...none. i didn't feel like i NEEDED to do anything. i mean, my hubby loves me the way i am. i really have no one else to impress. soooooo...who cares, right?

but. my month of gluttony is wearing on me BIG TIME! i feel like crap.
complete, total, utter blah.
my stomach is in constant rebellion, i don't ever feel rested, and i never have the desire to do anything.

guess what...i'm TIRED of feeling like that!!!
done. over it.

that is my new motivation. and if you've been around me the past week, you know i've been busy busy busy. cleaning the house. redoing the girls' room. making my humble little home a bit happier and prettier to live in day by day.

my lapse of judgement throughout february seemed to actually be exactly what i needed. the swift kick in the ass that's encouraged me like nothing else in the past. i now want to change FOR ME. no one else. just me.
my husband loves me this way...always have...always will. fat or skinny.
my girls love me this way...always have...always will. they've never known me as anything but fat.
guess who doesn't love me this way? me.

you know dr. phil and oprah and jenny craig and whoever else tells you nothing will ever change until you decide to do something for yourself...not for others.
i'm at that point.

i'm finally ready. let's do this.

239.0

i thought i posted something last week.
apparently not.
my "agent" (a.k.a. lauren) yelled at me via text tonight to find out why i hadn't posted.

i typed something up...it was very witty.
full of amazing and inspirational things, i'm sure.
but it's gone.
fallen into the black hole of cyberspace.
don't know where it went...clueless.

i was avoiding weighing myself this week.
i mean, asking a woman who's pms-ing to weigh herself might actually be cause for justifiable homicide.
stepping on a scale when i'm SUPER moody? noooooo beuno.

but i did it.

for lauren.
(this is gonna cost her...she just doesn't know it yet)

i'm still not doing so hot on the "move more" part of things. not sure why.
the weather? the season? exhaustion from work?
dunno.
what i do know is that i'm really good at coming up with excuses NOT to do anything.
i'm a pro at that.

this week, we had a major winter storm...about 3 inches of ice on my driveway, sidewalk, and grass. i've been trapped in the house with my girls since monday night.
you can't even walk from my back door to the mailbox without chicken wire wrapped around your shoes and a walking stick....so not much activity going on here.

i did, however, help push the mailman out of our neighbor's driveway. that's gotta count for something.
(my oldest daughter now thinks i'm like the strongest woman in the world.)
but, in the process, i totally wiped out on the ice.
face first.
instant whiplash.
now i'm sore as can be. (that's my excuse to not do anything right now. see? told you i was good at excuses.)

anyway, i know i need to do something. i just don't know what.
i know that i will NOT follow through with or maintain any kind of activity i don't like. (and there aren't too many that i'm fond of.)

i do like to dance. let me clarify...this does not mean i'm a good dancer. nope. never said that. but i like to boogie.
so i'm thinking about picking up the Zumba video game or dvd. or maybe something like just dance 2.

when we got the wii fit last year, about the only thing i enjoyed was the "dance" portion. unfortunately, their idea of dancing is: step up, clap. step down, clap. step right, kick. step left, kick.
well, that's no damn fun.

but i hear that these new games actually involve whole body movement...real-life dancing.
so, what's your opinion? do you have any of those games or dvd's? is there one you prefer over the other? i'd like some input before i throw away $$.

(and, lauren? you owe me.)

239.8

whaaaaa....???

i broke 240? whoo-hooo!

not sure how i did it. wish i could tell you, but i don't really know.
let's review my resolutions, and you'll understand.

1.move more - FAIL - lol! honestly...i am sooooo bad at this. i think, well, it'll be easy. cleaning house (which i hate), taking walks (duh, it's winter...no fun), and being silly with the girls (i'm so freaking tired). and i know what you're thinking. you're thinking, "aja, if you move more, you won't be so tired". yeah, i know. but how the hell do i get over that obstacle? i think my only hope is for sarah t. to show up at my door and drag my jiggly ass to the gym. (and sarah? i'll let you know where i hide my spare key so you can sneak in and kidnap me)

2.fast food - PASS - so far... my resolution was to limit this to no more than twice a month. well, it's the 20th, and i filled my quota yesterday. but, you know what? it's so funny. when i had to pick something up for dinner last night, i was like "crap, this is my last fast food meal for january." i kept going back and forth. should i really pick something up?? really? but i think the fact that it's such an inner turmoil for me to use my 2 x's means i'm trying to stick to it.

3.leave some food on the plate - PASS & FAIL - i didn't realize until i sat down to type this that i'm failing at lunch. i don't even consider leaving food on the plate because most of what i eat at lunch contains very small portions and barely even fill me up. i'm rockin this out at dinner time, though! well, except the one night my hubby made bbq ribs and mac-n-cheese. i kind of forgot to leave anything after that meal...it was all so good! anyway, i digress. every night, i make a concious effort to leave 3 or 4 bites on my plate. i keep flashing back to that commercial and thinking about how much food that will ultimately add up to over time. how much i will NOT be putting in my body. i also just realized that i have not gone back for seconds. at all. not once. crazy, i tell ya! madness!

4.eat when i'm hungry - FAIL - this is much easier when i'm at home, because food is easily available. at school, i kind of feel like i can't/shouldn't just bust out a snack and eat in front of my 2nd graders. that would be kind of mean. so i don't snack. i made sure i have them available in my room, but i don't pull them out. that, however, leads to one major problem. by the time i leave work at 3:05, i'm STARVING. which means when i get home, i want to binge. and it's kind of hard not to.

5.be inspiring - ??? - no clue on this one.

if you're still reading this long-ass post, thank you!
i'm off to make fun of the american idol auditions.

p.s. if anyone else besides sarah t. feels the urge to drag me somewhere and make me move, i promise to be a very willing abductee.

241.8

lookie here...lookie here!!!
we're gonna try this again.

i kind of fizzled out last year.
slowly slipped back into old habits.
started caving to fast food again.
and ice cream.
had a fight with the scale...we haven't spoken since september.
stopped exercising and started using the wii fit board as a lap desk. (well, not really, but now that I think of it...)

but it's a new year...new start.
i know this is when everyone jumps on the resolution bandwagon (and i must give in to peer pressure so i jumped right on the bandwagon too).

this year, i have some resolutions.
this year, i hope to keep them (but don't we all??)

ready?

here they are:

1. move more - do something every day. clean, dance like a crazy person with the girls, take a walk, wii fit...whatever. just some sort of active movement every day.

2. fast food? - no more than 2x's a month. i have to be realistic. i'm busy and i have 2 kids. fast food IS going to happen. but i can limit it. hopefully that will be just as friendly to my wallet as it will be to my waistline.

3. leave some food on the plate - have you ever seen that commercial? where they show a month's worth of plates with 2 or 3 bites left on them? and when you look at it as whole, it's amazing the amount of food you are NOT eating. so i'm gonna try it. i'm not gonna take 2 bites and be done, but i can certainly afford to leave a couple bites on the plate.

4. eat when i'm hungry - i'm not sure i could do the strict calorie plan that one of my friends is doing. not sure i'm that disciplined. but i can find or buy or make (bah! that last one's funny if you really know me) healthy snacks to keep with me. just a little something so i'm not hungry/starving and don't run home from work and binge.

5. don't just be inspired...be inspiring - i've had a lot of recent inspiration. lots of friends doing amazing things for themselves...(sarah t., tiffany h.) you guys amaze me.
and kind of make me jealous. like the "i'm-not-sure-i-can-be-your-friend-you-skinny-bitch" kind of jealous. now? i need to be one of the ones inspiring others. i need to quit listening to their stories and thinking "damn, if only that were me" and actually MAKE IT HAPPEN!

so folks, there they are.
my fat girl goals for 2011.
wish me luck!

242.2...to be continued

i'm baaaaaaaack.

kind of. sort of.

for a minute.

sorry i've been m.i.a. i really thought summer would be easier. more activities. more outside time. more movement.

and it kind of was. but it was also more "fun foods" (popsicles, ice cream, smores).
and because of all the activities, it was harder to stay on a schedule and have routine meals.

i am, however, rather proud of myself for maintaining my last weight. i haven't lost much more, but i also haven't gained...and that's a plus. i hope i haven't plateaued. we'll see.

i'm back to work...back to school. that means breakfast every morning (which, i must admit, i skipped over the summer. a lot). lunch at the same time every day. and smaller portions...more regulated. and dinner at about the same time every night.

i thought summer would be easier, but honestly, it's not. i hope to slip back into a routine. back into my good habits. and, hopefully, i'll be able to find some time to blog about my progress.

if you're still reading this, thank for sticking with me!