238.0

well...

let's check in on my progress, shall we?

i recently posted my list of goals. kinda like resolutions, but not really.

my hubby went cold turkey, remember? no sweets, no fried foods. he has a bajillion times more willpower than i do. you can offer him something and without batting an eyelash or even a second's hesitation, he says NO. ugh...to be so strong.

i know my weaknesses. i know that if i don't allow myself a few things (in moderation) i will cheat. i will wait until i'm by myself and i will eat whatever i'm craving and pretend it didn't happen because no one was around to see it.

so, with that in mind, here's how i've been doing so far.

1. do not bring sweets into the house

this is my weakest area. i mentioned before that i'm lazy. haha. if i'm craving something sweet, and we don't have anything, the chances that i will head out to pick something up are about as good as the chances of me being struck by lightning will i'm claiming my 25 million dollar lottery prize. but...if i don't have something sweet every now and then, i kind of get cranky. so i've found a few YUMMY alternatives that i keep stocked at home. my kryptonite is ice cream. weight watchers chocolate dipped ice cream bars are UH-MAZING! and edy's triple chocolate no sugar added ice cream? honestly...not the best on it's own. but slice up some bananas on top, or make a chocolate banana shake with it? heaven!

2. limit food at night

i've been working really hard on this one. i am a night owl, so i'm generally up til close to midnight every night. (i know...that in itself, is something i need to work on...but small steps, people.) i've tried to be very observant of the time. if i get hungry after 9, i try to stick to a handful of pretzels, an apple, or, my current favorite snack...carrot chips with bleu cheese.

**i'm not a nutritionist. i'm no good at counting calories or carbs or grams of sugar, so i don't really know the health/benefits of any of the items i've listed in #1 or #2. what i do know is that they are vast improvements over my old standards.**

3. get active at least once a week

well. i'm not sure i can even bring myself to face you on this one. remember the "i'm lazy" statement? yeah. it's hard to get around that. after teaching all day long, and then coming home to 2 girls who have to do chores, work on homework, and fight with each other, i'm pretty freaking exhausted. let me give you an example. there was a news story on the other night about a study on weight loss. they found a correlation between the cold and the rate of your metabolism. the colder you get, the harder your body works to regulate your core temperature, boosting your metabolism and burning extra calories. they point of the story was to encourage people to get outside and walk or exercise in the winter-time. my thoughts were "oooh...i'll just turn the furnace down." haha! that's me...lazy mclazerson. what i'm trying to say is, i have failed in this area. i kind of knew it was bound to happen. i don't enjoy doing things i hate all by myself. and i don't really have anyone to do the things i hate with. so, i usually busy myself with other things...school work, research, blogging, emptying the dvr. you know...important stuff.

do know that i'm working on improving myself. i'm trying to make small changes. not dieting exactly, but making permanent adjustments to the way and things that i eat (right sarah t?). i can tell you in all sincerity that if you put my carrot chips & blue cheese next to a cheeseburger and fries, i'm almost always going to pick the first one. (ALMOST always...come on. i'm not a complete fool.)

i know it's a long process. i know nothing will happen overnight. i know my weaknesses....and i'm working to improve them.

240.0

i'm baaaaaaaack...

i've been m.i.a. since march! what!?!?! you'd think that, in 10 months time, i would have been able to think up a really good excuse. lengthy illness. extended vacation. alien abduction.

but, nope. i've got nothin'. there is no excuse for my absence other than i'm. freaking. lazy.

we all know how resolutions go. you're gung ho for the first couple months, then you slowly start to fall back into old routines and habits.

so, after a few months, i slowly stopped making time for blog posts. i stopped being so overly concerned with what time i ate. if i was hungry, i ate something...but i didn't concern myself so much with what i was eating. heck, i was even eating when i wasn't hungry.

the closer it got to the holidays, the less i cared about doing the right thing. chocolate? this halloween candy isn't going to eat itself. seconds? of course...it's thanksgiving. ice cream? sure...it's almost christmas. what's worse? i rubbed off on the hubby and he joined me in my gluttony.

when we neared the last week of december, my hubby and i had a chat. we decided that we needed to change what we were doing. and, we needed to do it TOGETHER. thank god! i'm nothing if not an excellent planner. but i'm sucky on the follow-through if i don't feel like anyone's holding me accountable. i'm like an 8 year old kid. if no one sees me do it, it doesn't count. if i can get away with it, i will. yay, me, for being an adult. ^insert sarcasm^

our last week of december was comical. there was a lot of, "you better finish that box of chocolates. you only have 3 more days." a few, "since this is our last hurrah, let's get taco bell." we were ridiculous.

but, when january 1st rolled around, we opened the cabinets, cleared out the sweets. opened the freezer and threw out the ice cream (that one HURT). went to the grocery and bought fruits and veggies. my new snack of choice? pretzels.

my hubby is going cold turkey: no sweets, no fried foods.

but i'm not him, so we had to lay down some ground rules.

1. do not bring sweets into the house.

*remember how i'm an elementary student when it comes to food? if you tell me i CAN'T have it, i want it EVEN MORE. so, if i want ice cream, i must go get it (remember i'm also lazy) and eat it before i get home. this will not happen often. trust me! if i'm already home, it's VERY unlikely i will drag my lazy ass back out of the house.

2. limit food at night

*ok...so, we all get a little hungry a couple hours after dinner. this used to be the time i would grab my ice cream. (do you see a theme? ice cream is my WEAKNESS) the girls are finally in bed, i'm finally sitting down to relax...why not reward myself with a treat? now, my aim is to eat my last meal/snack as close to 9p.m. as possible. some pretzels, veggies...occasionally some fruit (gotta watch that sugar before bed)

3. get active at least once a week

*i know that sounds like nothing. but, i have to set realistic expectations for myself. if i feel like it's something i HAVE to do, i don't want to do it. if i feel like it's a chore, i will protest. they recently completed construction in our neighborhood, and we've been connected to a plat behind us. we are now able to actually walk around the block. i'd like to try this at least once a week. whatever it is, i need to have a period of activity once a week. i'd like this to increase as we progress through the year, but for now, it will be 1 more period of activity per week than i've had in the past.

i think that's good for now. the more i write down, the less i want to do. (geez...perhaps number 4 should be grow up.)

do me a favor, help me out. pop in every once in a while and say hi. check on me. yell at me if i haven't posted. let me know how your journey's going (if you're on this same crazy ride.) we all do better with the support of our friends and family.

239.0

alert...alert.
i have NO idea what happened to february. no. effing. clue.

i'm not gonna run through what i've been doing... i mean, who wants to hear why i DIDN'T post for a month?
all i can say is everything i said i was gonna do?
didn't do it.
at all.
for the whole month.
EPIC FAIL!!!
if any part of this had been recorded and submitted online, i'd have to ask Tosh for a web redemption.

so, i'm going to pretend that march is my january. this is the beginning of my year...all over again. i'm restarting my resolutions. i really have no other choice.
if you had asked me last month how things were going, i would have told you "fine. i'm fat. i'll always be fat."
you know how you fill out forms and it asks you to check the boxes?
here are my boxes: female...check, caucasian...check, fat....check.
it's just who i am...or at least who i was resigned to be last month.
i had no motivation...none. i didn't feel like i NEEDED to do anything. i mean, my hubby loves me the way i am. i really have no one else to impress. soooooo...who cares, right?

but. my month of gluttony is wearing on me BIG TIME! i feel like crap.
complete, total, utter blah.
my stomach is in constant rebellion, i don't ever feel rested, and i never have the desire to do anything.

guess what...i'm TIRED of feeling like that!!!
done. over it.

that is my new motivation. and if you've been around me the past week, you know i've been busy busy busy. cleaning the house. redoing the girls' room. making my humble little home a bit happier and prettier to live in day by day.

my lapse of judgement throughout february seemed to actually be exactly what i needed. the swift kick in the ass that's encouraged me like nothing else in the past. i now want to change FOR ME. no one else. just me.
my husband loves me this way...always have...always will. fat or skinny.
my girls love me this way...always have...always will. they've never known me as anything but fat.
guess who doesn't love me this way? me.

you know dr. phil and oprah and jenny craig and whoever else tells you nothing will ever change until you decide to do something for yourself...not for others.
i'm at that point.

i'm finally ready. let's do this.

239.0

i thought i posted something last week.
apparently not.
my "agent" (a.k.a. lauren) yelled at me via text tonight to find out why i hadn't posted.

i typed something up...it was very witty.
full of amazing and inspirational things, i'm sure.
but it's gone.
fallen into the black hole of cyberspace.
don't know where it went...clueless.

i was avoiding weighing myself this week.
i mean, asking a woman who's pms-ing to weigh herself might actually be cause for justifiable homicide.
stepping on a scale when i'm SUPER moody? noooooo beuno.

but i did it.

for lauren.
(this is gonna cost her...she just doesn't know it yet)

i'm still not doing so hot on the "move more" part of things. not sure why.
the weather? the season? exhaustion from work?
dunno.
what i do know is that i'm really good at coming up with excuses NOT to do anything.
i'm a pro at that.

this week, we had a major winter storm...about 3 inches of ice on my driveway, sidewalk, and grass. i've been trapped in the house with my girls since monday night.
you can't even walk from my back door to the mailbox without chicken wire wrapped around your shoes and a walking stick....so not much activity going on here.

i did, however, help push the mailman out of our neighbor's driveway. that's gotta count for something.
(my oldest daughter now thinks i'm like the strongest woman in the world.)
but, in the process, i totally wiped out on the ice.
face first.
instant whiplash.
now i'm sore as can be. (that's my excuse to not do anything right now. see? told you i was good at excuses.)

anyway, i know i need to do something. i just don't know what.
i know that i will NOT follow through with or maintain any kind of activity i don't like. (and there aren't too many that i'm fond of.)

i do like to dance. let me clarify...this does not mean i'm a good dancer. nope. never said that. but i like to boogie.
so i'm thinking about picking up the Zumba video game or dvd. or maybe something like just dance 2.

when we got the wii fit last year, about the only thing i enjoyed was the "dance" portion. unfortunately, their idea of dancing is: step up, clap. step down, clap. step right, kick. step left, kick.
well, that's no damn fun.

but i hear that these new games actually involve whole body movement...real-life dancing.
so, what's your opinion? do you have any of those games or dvd's? is there one you prefer over the other? i'd like some input before i throw away $$.

(and, lauren? you owe me.)

239.8

whaaaaa....???

i broke 240? whoo-hooo!

not sure how i did it. wish i could tell you, but i don't really know.
let's review my resolutions, and you'll understand.

1.move more - FAIL - lol! honestly...i am sooooo bad at this. i think, well, it'll be easy. cleaning house (which i hate), taking walks (duh, it's winter...no fun), and being silly with the girls (i'm so freaking tired). and i know what you're thinking. you're thinking, "aja, if you move more, you won't be so tired". yeah, i know. but how the hell do i get over that obstacle? i think my only hope is for sarah t. to show up at my door and drag my jiggly ass to the gym. (and sarah? i'll let you know where i hide my spare key so you can sneak in and kidnap me)

2.fast food - PASS - so far... my resolution was to limit this to no more than twice a month. well, it's the 20th, and i filled my quota yesterday. but, you know what? it's so funny. when i had to pick something up for dinner last night, i was like "crap, this is my last fast food meal for january." i kept going back and forth. should i really pick something up?? really? but i think the fact that it's such an inner turmoil for me to use my 2 x's means i'm trying to stick to it.

3.leave some food on the plate - PASS & FAIL - i didn't realize until i sat down to type this that i'm failing at lunch. i don't even consider leaving food on the plate because most of what i eat at lunch contains very small portions and barely even fill me up. i'm rockin this out at dinner time, though! well, except the one night my hubby made bbq ribs and mac-n-cheese. i kind of forgot to leave anything after that meal...it was all so good! anyway, i digress. every night, i make a concious effort to leave 3 or 4 bites on my plate. i keep flashing back to that commercial and thinking about how much food that will ultimately add up to over time. how much i will NOT be putting in my body. i also just realized that i have not gone back for seconds. at all. not once. crazy, i tell ya! madness!

4.eat when i'm hungry - FAIL - this is much easier when i'm at home, because food is easily available. at school, i kind of feel like i can't/shouldn't just bust out a snack and eat in front of my 2nd graders. that would be kind of mean. so i don't snack. i made sure i have them available in my room, but i don't pull them out. that, however, leads to one major problem. by the time i leave work at 3:05, i'm STARVING. which means when i get home, i want to binge. and it's kind of hard not to.

5.be inspiring - ??? - no clue on this one.

if you're still reading this long-ass post, thank you!
i'm off to make fun of the american idol auditions.

p.s. if anyone else besides sarah t. feels the urge to drag me somewhere and make me move, i promise to be a very willing abductee.

241.8

lookie here...lookie here!!!
we're gonna try this again.

i kind of fizzled out last year.
slowly slipped back into old habits.
started caving to fast food again.
and ice cream.
had a fight with the scale...we haven't spoken since september.
stopped exercising and started using the wii fit board as a lap desk. (well, not really, but now that I think of it...)

but it's a new year...new start.
i know this is when everyone jumps on the resolution bandwagon (and i must give in to peer pressure so i jumped right on the bandwagon too).

this year, i have some resolutions.
this year, i hope to keep them (but don't we all??)

ready?

here they are:

1. move more - do something every day. clean, dance like a crazy person with the girls, take a walk, wii fit...whatever. just some sort of active movement every day.

2. fast food? - no more than 2x's a month. i have to be realistic. i'm busy and i have 2 kids. fast food IS going to happen. but i can limit it. hopefully that will be just as friendly to my wallet as it will be to my waistline.

3. leave some food on the plate - have you ever seen that commercial? where they show a month's worth of plates with 2 or 3 bites left on them? and when you look at it as whole, it's amazing the amount of food you are NOT eating. so i'm gonna try it. i'm not gonna take 2 bites and be done, but i can certainly afford to leave a couple bites on the plate.

4. eat when i'm hungry - i'm not sure i could do the strict calorie plan that one of my friends is doing. not sure i'm that disciplined. but i can find or buy or make (bah! that last one's funny if you really know me) healthy snacks to keep with me. just a little something so i'm not hungry/starving and don't run home from work and binge.

5. don't just be inspired...be inspiring - i've had a lot of recent inspiration. lots of friends doing amazing things for themselves...(sarah t., tiffany h.) you guys amaze me.
and kind of make me jealous. like the "i'm-not-sure-i-can-be-your-friend-you-skinny-bitch" kind of jealous. now? i need to be one of the ones inspiring others. i need to quit listening to their stories and thinking "damn, if only that were me" and actually MAKE IT HAPPEN!

so folks, there they are.
my fat girl goals for 2011.
wish me luck!

242.2...to be continued

i'm baaaaaaaack.

kind of. sort of.

for a minute.

sorry i've been m.i.a. i really thought summer would be easier. more activities. more outside time. more movement.

and it kind of was. but it was also more "fun foods" (popsicles, ice cream, smores).
and because of all the activities, it was harder to stay on a schedule and have routine meals.

i am, however, rather proud of myself for maintaining my last weight. i haven't lost much more, but i also haven't gained...and that's a plus. i hope i haven't plateaued. we'll see.

i'm back to work...back to school. that means breakfast every morning (which, i must admit, i skipped over the summer. a lot). lunch at the same time every day. and smaller portions...more regulated. and dinner at about the same time every night.

i thought summer would be easier, but honestly, it's not. i hope to slip back into a routine. back into my good habits. and, hopefully, i'll be able to find some time to blog about my progress.

if you're still reading this, thank for sticking with me!

242.8

ooops...

uh-oh....

my bad...

i have no excuses. this was totally my fault. we've been super busy with vacation, a wedding, and lots of running.

i've used that as a reason to live off of party food, drive-thrus, and eating out.

i still have the same goal...just not so sure how realistic it is now that i only have 4 weeks left til school starts. but i'm gonna try.

i made a list of meals to eat at home and stuck to that list when i went to the grocery. so we'll see if that helps.

we have lots more going on the next couple of weeks...the air show, a parade, and camping. i'm just going to try and do better and not use that as an excuse.

241.2

okey-dokey...
so, i suck.

i really really really had the best intentions of getting on here and updating more frequently throughout the summer. but, obviously, i'm not doing so well.

we just got back from our 1st EVER family vacation to myrtle beach. i thought for sure i'd come back weighing more than when i left. lots of meals out and fast food on the run. tons of candy...apparently gummy bears and taffy are a MUST when visiting the beach.

but it seems that the wave-surfing, beach-walking, shell-collecting, squishy-sand-walking all worked in my favor. they helped me work off my "i'm-on-vacation-so-i-can-eat-whatever-the-hell-i-want" indulgences.

and the rest of this month? crazy busy!!!
headed out of town again this coming weekend for a family wedding. then, 2 weeks later, we're headed out of town once more for a camping trip.

i plan to keep myself in check while i'm gone and my goal is to still have a noticeable weight loss when i return to work in august, but i just don't know how often i'll be able to update. (maybe now that i haven't committed myself to updating once a week, i might actually do it!)

242.0

epic fail!!!

man....where the hell did may go?
and what was i doing that i was so busy i didn't post?
ALL month???!?!?

here's what i've decided.

this has been difficult for me. i'm super great at planning and starting things.
i'm just not so great at following them through. (kind of like the scrapbook i started for our wedding in 2000, but have yet to finish)

i think my best option is to use what i've done/learned so far as a tool to guide my next steps.

i think right now, i need to start back at square one.
pretend this is all a brand new thing. get myself hyped up and motivated.
start that food/calorie journal that i talked about last time. (and now that school is officially out, i actually have the time to do it.)
get outside and play with the girls.
do more. be more active. spend my summer in my neighbor's pool.

i no longer have any reason for NOT making my health and my body my priority.
no more "it was a sucky day and i'm too tired."
no more "i was on my feet and watching 26 kids all day...that was my workout."
no more excuses. (well...at least until august 23.) wink wink

i LOVE that i've made it this far. i'm just disappointed it's taken this long.

my new goal is to really make this my focus and walk back into school in the fall and have people say "wow! you've lost weight!!!"

right now, that's what i'm committed to.

that, and getting back to holding myself accountable and updating this blog on a regular basis.

so, here we go. goodbye excuses...hello summer and a newer, better me!!!!!!!!!!!

242.2

uummmm...
so, apparently, i forgot this blog existed. lol!

but looky-loo. 242.2!?!?!?

what?!??!?!?

yay, me!

i had a pretty inspiring conversation a couple weeks ago (thanks sarah t.) about calories and recording food intake. and the importance of eating every three hours...never letting your body get overly hungry. while i haven't actually DONE any of those things, they've been in the back of my mind. :0)

i'm seriously considering making a cute little notebook to keep in my purse and to start writing down EVERYTHING i eat. (plus, it would give me an excuse to scrap...bonus)

i'm also trying to be more aware of WHEN i'm eating. my worst time of day is around 3p.m. because i have such an early lunch time. (i eat at 10:55) when i hit my rough time, it's already been over 4 hours since i've eaten and it's still about 3 or 4 hours until dinner. i never know if i should eat something small (a "snack") or if i should have a mini meal. if i do the snack thing, i usually end up munching way too much. if i have a mini meal, i feel guilty when i eat dinner later.

so i think i'm actually going to have to write out a little schedule for myself highlighting the times i HAVE TO EAT...even if it's something small. (and, pretty much, if i don't put it on a to-do list or a schedule, it usually doesn't happen.)

i did try to do a 10-minute Biggest Loser work-out on my exercise-on-demand channel. and i discovered that, if i were ever on that show, i'd be the first contestant in history to drop dead. (yeah...i said it was only a 10-MINUTE workout.) pretty much thought that was doable. apparently not...unless dropping to the floor and panting for a half an hour when you're done is actually part of the routine.

another friend of mine (thanks cierrah) posted a dance dvd on her blog that she loves. i spied a few dance-style workouts on the on-demand channel. i plan to try those out. mainly because i LOVE to dance. i can't ACTUALLY dance...but i think it's a lot of fun. and i figure that, as long as i'm moving and having fun doing it, that's a win-win for me.

246.6

yay! still dropping.
not as much as i'd like, but slow and steady wins the race, right? (i'd much rather be the quick-ass and SKINNY rabbit, but, whatever...)

i'm trying to find activities that i enjoy since i'm kind of already burnt out on the Wii Fit. i don't like to do "structured" workouts, but just being active isn't enough to drop the weight i need/want to drop. i think i need Jillian Michaels.

i would like to state for the record that i played tennis today.

and i liked it.

and i might even like to do it again...maybe even frequently.
(don't tell jackson i said that...i'll deny it.)

don't get me wrong. i'm NO good at tennis. i suck worse than my 4 year old...but it was something different and kind if fun and it really got me moving.

one of my weaknesses lately has been food. (i know...*gasp!*) it's weird...i haven't really been eating a lot of "bad stuff", i just haven't been eating as much good stuff. i'm just kind of somewhere in between. when i first started, i made sure that i was eating fruits and veggies all the time. lately, not so much.

so my plan of attack this week? get active (MAYBE play some more tennis) and get back on the fruits and veggies wagon.

247.6

to be honest, i totally forgot to do my post for last week.
been very busy around the house...spring break, spring cleaning, back to school, beautiful weather, yard work...
you name it, it kept me busy enough that my post slipped my mind.

this will be short and sweet. i'm sick (again). but someone (thanks nickie!) reminded me that my post was missing from last week. so here it is.

the only new thing i've discovered this week is that i really don't have much fun with "structured" workouts. someone (thanks megan!) told me i need to find what works for me.

well, i found what works for me...yard work. this is kind of hilarious to my husband...he cracks up whenever i tell him i want to work outside. he also thinks i kill every green thing i touch, but that only really applies to ferns. anyway...working outside, pulling weeds, digging out beds, pruning, trimming, planting new flowers. that's what i'd much rather be doing...and i think it's pretty damn close to (if not better than) Wii Fit.

so, now that the weather is nicer and i can get out and do more , that's my plan. lots of "working out"...just outside.

247.8

{i worked on this last night. thought i posted it, but apparently i just saved it. anyway...}

ok...i'm back. feeling a bit better than i did last week. i got yelled at. A LOT. for telling you all it was your fault. ummm, i was KIDDING! ;0)
but, that's okay. i appreciate you checking on me and keeping me IN check.

and you'll notice, i've almost made up for my very bad week last week. almost...

spring break has flown by. (not surprisingly) i know i said i was going to try and make time to "work out" each day, but, i must confess. i did not.

i DID, however, spend most of my spring break doing spring cleaning. and i'm pretty sure that's equivalent to {or maybe even better than} my 30-minute Wii Fit workouts. oh, and today? jackson drug me and the girls out to clifton gorge for a 2 or 3-mile hike through the woods. {we also almost literally ran into Dave Chappelle in yellow springs, but i digress...} so, even though i didn't formally work out, i DID work my butt off, and that counts for something.

i also stuck to my guns when it comes to food. i'm keeping my portions smaller. i'm sticking to healthier snacks...and still nibbling on my pickles and olives. (those are now a staple in the fridge)

and, i'm eating whenever i'm hungry. this is new to me. normally, i'm a 3-meal-a-day girl. breakfast, lunch, and dinner...and maybe an afternoon snack. i always thought that, if i eat something every time i'm hungry, i'd weigh 300 pounds. well, duh! i DIDN'T eat every time i was hungry, and look where THAT got me! so, why not change it up...try something new? what i've discovered is, when i eat something any time i feel hungry, i don't overeat at meals.

i know this isn't earth-shattering. you hear it all the time from the diet gurus. you also hear not to eat meat...or to eat only meat...or to drink protein shakes...or to rub eggplant all over your body... (okay, i haven't heard the last one, but you never know.) there's SO MUCH "advice" out there, it's hard to figure out what really works and what's b.s.

this is what's working for me, and i'm gonna stick to it. oh, and this AMAZING weather?? 75 and 80 in APRIL?!? that's been HUGE motivation for me to get off of the couch and out of the house. hoping that sticks around for the long haul!

248.2

dammit!

last week was a test.

and you ALL failed.

miserably!

(well...everyone but Pat)

where'd my friends go???? c'mon now. i started this blog so my family and friends would stay on me. remember...if no one sees me do it, it doesn't count. so, if you're not popping in here to see how i'm doing, i'm probably not doing well.

and did you notice the weight? not good. but i totally blame it on you. my whole support system was MIA. (i know...the weight part is technically my fault, but it feels good to place blame somewhere else.)

so, what have i learned these past two weeks?

1. i'm a lazy slug. i haven't signed into Wii Fit in a loooong time. shame on me. i have not been active at all...unless you count the on-my-feet-all-day-'cus-i'm-a-teacher kind of active, but you know what i mean.

2. i have no follow-through. i make the most well-intentioned plans, but have a really hard time seeing them through to the end. i've noticed a trend in my last few posts. not a good one either. if i don't get myself in check soon, i'm sooo screwed in this endeavor. i mean, it's only march, and i'm already losing my motivation.

3. i need attention. i mean...ummm...support. i HAVE to have someone checking in on me. constantly. making sure i'm not taking the easy way out. giving me feedback and support. if i don't think anyone is "watching", i WILL fall off the wagon. sneaking snacks, skipping activities, whatever.

4. taco bell is my crack! i've honestly kicked nearly all fast food. even in my weak times and bad times, a wendy's cheeseburger or papa john's pizza make me want to chuck. but, taco bell? that is the bane of my existence. i did without it for several weeks, but once i tried it again, i had to have it. over. and over. like 4 times in the past 2 weeks. i may need an intervention.

so, what's my plan now? i'm just starting spring break. i plan to lay out a week of healthy meals and write my grocery list around that, skipping all the snacky stuff. i plan to MAKE time each day to sign into Wii Fit. i plan to start from scratch...pretend it's jan 1st and i've just made my resolution.

that's my plan. we'll see how that goes.

247.6

HELLO!?!?!?

STILL UNDER 250??!?!??!

YAY!!!

AND....I'VE OFFICIALLY LOST 10 POUNDS!!!!!!!!!

super excited that i'm still going in the right direction!

although i must admit i've still been slacking a little on the exercise end of things. i really am a slacker by heart...but i'm trying to get over that. i haven't been doing Wii Fit regularly, but i have been more active. (cleaning the house, doing more when i get home than just making sure the ass-shaped dent in the couch doesn't disappear.)

i think what helped this week was the major grocery trip and eating the foods that we already have in the house. in the past, i would be so picky about what we were going to have for dinner. but now? i look forward to the variety and things i was never really excited about before actually taste good. and, believe it or not, last night i actually opted for sherbet over the double-chocolate-chip ice cream! crazy...i know!

i know they say that you can't just change what you do/eat, but you have to change your mindset and point of view. i think i've made that change when it comes to food, for sure. i snack more often to keep my metabolism up. and i'm snacking on healthier foods. i pretty much HAVE to have some sort of veggie with dinner, and i feel like i'm missing something if i don't get some fresh fruit throughout the day. (before, i'd consider cherry cordial ice cream both my dairy and my fruit...and if i got the frozen yogurt version? well, that was just a bonus!)

so, i need your help and encouragement. yell at me. tell me to get my ass in gear and get moving. let me know how your battle is going. nothing motivates me more than you guys and your comments!

248.8

WHAT?!???!

UNDER 250!??!?!

WHAT?!??!?!

THAT'S RIGHT!!!!

(remember I told you this post would probably be in ALL CAPS?)

well, i'll give you a break on the caps.
i'm excited. but not as excited as i thought i'd be. probably because i'm in denial. or because my weight bounces around more than my boobs on a hayride. and because i wouldn't be surprised to suck in a deep breath and weigh myself again and see my weight jump up 2 or 3 pounds.

i'm actually shocked to see that's where i'm at right now because i'm pretty sure god is screwing with me. someone is sabotaging me. my last post was not good because i spent the week leading up to it being lazy. (ok...that one was my fault...not god's.) but this week? when i was resolved and determined to do better, exercise more, get back into the good food routine? this week, i've been sick as a dog. puffy-eyed-slits, sore-stuffy nose, head-full-of-water, feeling-like-you've-been-hit-by-a-truck achy. that kind of sick. miserable.

which i guess leads me to my new found weight loss secret.

ready?

just get sick and stay sick. i mean, when everything you eat tastes like cardboard, nothing's really that appealing. and hunger isn't an issue. i mean who wants to eat when it hurts just to blink? pair that with a week of adrenaline-rush-inducing events at work and you've got yourself a no hassle formula to shed a few pounds. (although i wouldn't recommend that anyone do either of things by choice.)

so, i'm (desperately) hoping that this coming week will be EVEN BETTER! i'm starting to feel a little better. i'm actually dying to get back on Wii Fit. and i've already started the grocery list for this weekend to get back on the good food kick.

my goal is, this time next week, to be able to post that i'm STILL BELOW 250 because i've worked my ass off!!!

i'm just thinking now i probably shouldn't have volunteered to bring in friday morning donuts tomorrow. perhaps i'll just take mine and stuff it in my bra or tuck it into the waist of my pants. wish me luck!

251.3

i'm sick.

and still fat. {actually, even fatter}

no excuses, explanations, or rationalizations. i've been lazy this week. totally my fault.

that's all.

250.2

umm, okay.
so...this was a baaaaad food week!
we had 3 birthday parties, went out to eat, had Valentine's Day {complete with a chocolate cake...thanks honey, but isn't that sabotage?}, and had 2 fast food nights {one was Subby's, but i'm not rationalizing}.

i learned three things...

1. it's so much easier to eat better when you are poor. before our tax return was deposited, we didn't have much "extra" money. when you don't have money to eat out, you don't eat out. fairly simple and straightforward. you might argue that it's more expensive to buy fresh produce/foods all the time. but when you add those to your grocery list in place of the chips, crackers, ice cream, snacks, it's no more expensive. it may even be cheaper.

2. people need to stop having babies so close to each other. really! three?!? in one weekend?!?!? come on!! those birthday parties are dangerous! {never mind that the three birthday boys & girls were not related, or even friends with each other, but still...}

3. chocolate cake, if left to it's own devices, will whisper "eat me" in your ear while you're sleeping and stare at you with puppy dog eyes every time you walk by. it's best to eat your half-slice at dinner, say "thank you honey", and HURL the rest of the cake out of your house. if you don't, you'll end up eating 2 or 3 bites each day when no one's looking because you think it won't count if they don't see you do it. {or so i've been told...personally, I would NEVER do that}

on the plus side, i'm trying to motivate myself to get moving more often and more consistently. i've had to meet jaden at the bus stop nearly every day this week {normally jackson beats me to it}. so i've been rushing home, parking the car, and walking back up the street. it's not a lot, but it's more than i was doing.

also, i did my Wii Fit last night. i'm proud to say i was just over a pound shy of my lose-10-pounds-in-one-month goal! now, you probably won't see it when you look at me {unless your name is Ingrid and you're a very well-meaning liar...wink, wink}, but it's coming off from somewhere. i haven't really felt any change in the way my clothes fit. but i'm looking forward to that. and prepare yourself, because that post will most likely be IN ALL CAPS!!!!

250.6

well, well, well...

not a big change. but it's still something.

i'm embarrassed to say i thought i'd be the red-shirt lady from the Biggest Loser and GAIN a pound. thank god that didn't happen!

we've had lots and lots and lots and lots of snow. and then it snowed some more. i've been housebound several times since friday. got out once sunday for the super bowl and once monday to go to work {would have passed on that one if i had the chance}.

and dude, when i'm home, i have a hard time finding a happy medium. i'm either go, go, go...working around the house, etc. then i get too busy and forget to do my Wii Fit. or i'm a total slug and do my best to merge my ass to the couch. and, well, it's hard to workout when your ass it attached to the couch.

that is my biggest weakness right now...missing my workouts. quite honestly, i'm not intentionally skipping them. i get home, work around the house, talk with the hubby, play with the girls, whatever...and before i know it, it's 9 o'clock. and who wants to to get all sweaty at 9 o'clock? i talked in my last post about how i have to come home and practically do my Wii Fit the INSTANT i walk in the door or it doesn't happen. sadly, that's been the case.

i had a great opportunity today for a fabulous workout, though. too bad i couldn't take advantage of it. on the way home from school, a group of about 6-8 boys PUNK-ASS boys from my neighboring school pelted my car {my NEW CAR} with snow and ice. i was already rushing to meet jaden's school bus, but i whipped the car into reverse and took OFF after them. they scattered, of course. but oh, how i would have loved to have had the time and opportunity to corner them with my car and jump out and beat some ass. THAT would have been a great workout!

on the plus side, i'm still doing fairly well with my food. given the choice, i'd rather have a small snack plate of 2-3 pieces of cheese, some pickles, and some olives over ice cream. {i mean, instead of ice cream...not on top of ice cream.} crazy, i know. but i've also stuck to my guns about allowing myself bits and pieces when i crave them. it's just a matter of...wait for it. what's the word of the day? MODERATION! {i giggle every time i do that because i have flashbacks of peewee's playhouse where everyone yelled when someone said the secret word}

anyway...although i am a bit disappointed in myself, i vow that i'll work on it. i'll get back on track and do better. first thing tomorrow when i get home? workout! saturday? workout! sunday? {...i think you see where i'm going with this}

and finally, i beg of you. TALK to me! leave me some comments...let me know how you're doing or what you think. it really, truly helps motivate me to stay on track.