Sunday, March 6, 2011


i have NO idea what happened to february. no. effing. clue.

i'm not gonna run through what i've been doing... i mean, who wants to hear why i DIDN'T post for a month?
all i can say is everything i said i was gonna do?
didn't do it.
at all.
for the whole month.
if any part of this had been recorded and submitted online, i'd have to ask Tosh for a web redemption.

so, i'm going to pretend that march is my january. this is the beginning of my year...all over again. i'm restarting my resolutions. i really have no other choice.
if you had asked me last month how things were going, i would have told you "fine. i'm fat. i'll always be fat."
you know how you fill out forms and it asks you to check the boxes?
here are my boxes: female...check, caucasian...check, fat....check.
it's just who i am...or at least who i was resigned to be last month.
i had no motivation...none. i didn't feel like i NEEDED to do anything. i mean, my hubby loves me the way i am. i really have no one else to impress. soooooo...who cares, right?

but. my month of gluttony is wearing on me BIG TIME! i feel like crap.
complete, total, utter blah.
my stomach is in constant rebellion, i don't ever feel rested, and i never have the desire to do anything.

guess what...i'm TIRED of feeling like that!!!
done. over it.

that is my new motivation. and if you've been around me the past week, you know i've been busy busy busy. cleaning the house. redoing the girls' room. making my humble little home a bit happier and prettier to live in day by day.

my lapse of judgement throughout february seemed to actually be exactly what i needed. the swift kick in the ass that's encouraged me like nothing else in the past. i now want to change FOR ME. no one else. just me.
my husband loves me this way...always have...always will. fat or skinny.
my girls love me this way...always have...always will. they've never known me as anything but fat.
guess who doesn't love me this way? me.

you know dr. phil and oprah and jenny craig and whoever else tells you nothing will ever change until you decide to do something for yourself...not for others.
i'm at that point.

i'm finally ready. let's do this.